Letters of a Lonely Dame

You can take him home with you,

or he’ll be waiting there
no matter if loving or sometimes a fool,
he will hold you near

You get to touch and feel.
You get to caress and kiss.

You get to smell and see
….oh its all that I miss!

The most in the night,

its then, when my imagination takes flight…

and lands on all the painful spots,
where my heart bleeds from cuts,

no one made but me,
by believing that true love…

can be overcome you see.

I was not the one,
and never was it meant to be.

Full moon shone,

but as it went so did he.

Sore from the painful fall,
the most painful of all.
When its love, in what you fall,
and its in love, where I’ll be forever more.

Like a dark, deep hole
no light to crawl up too.
Like locked inside my own soul
and given the key away like a fool.

But you will have him to hold
and he will hold you close as well
I see you together, getting old,
oh bitter mind, why on this do you dwell.

He will love you in the sunlight,
and in the blissful darkness of the night.
You can feel the heat as you melt,
together – feelings I have never felt.

I guess I will stay like this
and why should I complain.
I will have my own hands, and you his
…I accept my destiny though vane,
and... be forgotten.
the lone, silent Dame.

Riukaliku hinged

Riukalikud hinged

rändavad
öösel kehast, et
juua tassike rummi...
Nii nummi!

Läbipaistev kleit

Kuldkiharake neidis
tule minuga lähme
tantsime, läbipaistvas kleidis
millest igaüks midagi leidis

Ei mitte tantsupõrandale
ei vii meid reipad sammud
vaid kuhugi kus värisevale
himule hing allub

kus läbipaistev kleit
sootuks vaibaks moondub
see on iha võit
milles voorus loobub

vastuhakust sootuks
süüvides sügavalt pattu
muutudes lõpeks äraloetuks
keha kleidiga taaskord kattu!

Ah?

Mu sõnad langevad
tasa tõsihilju alla
jäävad vaid mõttelõngad
ja kõik tõlgendustele valla

Sosinate siseheitlustes
hukkub mitmeid ideid
neid vaevu kokku lugedes
märkan halbu endeid

Ennustamas aega
valesti
täna on praegu
ja homme on uuesti.

Hospital Ball

All corridors are locked inside
your mind, that’s where I’m amused
Hello Madam with the wicked eye
have we ever been introduced?

I’m Torment and that over there is Death
Pain is late today, but surely he’ll come
how are you these days, in good health?
Well Pain comes with Death to some.

Madam, I hope it’s not too late
have you had that delicious dessert
I heard it comes as a great surprise
your fate’s not to die, but just be hurt,
smile.

I certainly like it though Deaths disappointed
She would have had you today you know.
You didn’t know!? New Death was appointed
Just turned 18, a woman, so I’m told

Gets moody every now and then
takes more than one should
Ah, there’s Pain, I ought to go, but when
you need some company, do call us friend.
on the number of unknown

Enesetu olematus

Kui ühel hetkel peaksin kaotama sihi,
laskuma sügavusse, teadmatusse enesest,
kas oled Sina see, keda ootan enda ligi
mind päästma igavesest pimedusest?

Pimedus üha kalgim, pilkases öös liigub vaikus
ja valab minu puust peekrisse rahutust.
Piiritu, otsatu lõputu üksindus
täidab mu tühjade tundide mõtisklust.

Just enesetus ja mingi olematu seis
kus eile, täna ja homme sulavad üheks
Tundub täiesti tühine iga mu reis
ja mu suur vaimuelu muutub pisikeseks

See nädal halli ja sudust veniv-sulavat aega
on möödund nagu magamata ööpäev
üsna hirmutav on kuidas see mind ei sega,
et hindamatu minutite jada minust mööda läeb

Tikk-takk seier on armutult taas tiksund oma tunde
Ta suurt minust ei hooli, aeg ei seisa mitte kellegi jaoks
Ah ses mustas pimeduses oleks vaja paar helvest lund et
saabuks üüratu valge vaikus ja see pimedus, see nukrus, kaoks. 

Snow

I listen to the snow, silently sleep all winter 

before it melts away
Its’ funny cuz I know, how it feels to linger
all night and day

Loosing reality
leaving the ground
all looks strange to me
not a single sound around

I seem to vanish now
inside some clouds of snow
I’m sure I’ll snow down
some beautiful day but not know

Its all too real
the height and the fear
This time I got too high
landing -

solid grounds too far to even try

I open my heavy eyes, as all is white inside
and beneath
I feel the warm cold, as I slowly try to fly
nothing below my feet

Wake up wake up
descend starts too fast
it’s so hard to stop
I want to stay relaxed

So cold so dark
I fall inside my room
snowing in the old park
ice flowers bloom

I’ll never be the same
seen outside life’s frame
waiting to get back
no traces - 

like snow I’ll fly and slowly melt away

Dreams of Glass

Every war I know

every battle lost and won
every scream that somehow
was never heard by some

Everything I ever felt
and lost for god know why
God sometimes does not help
when the prayer is too shy

I cry for this all
the first flower of spring
sometimes even the good angels falls
the time is not right for blooming

Climate is about to change
I get warmer and warmer every midnight
full moon has a plan to rearrange
our orgasmic moon ray swims delight

All our possibilities
we let go along the way
our actions are what defies
our never ending decay

This cliff that grabbed the bird
flew to close to the rocks
its everything real and absurd
two words chanted by monks

Love yourself!

World of absurd

Iron snails it’s time for bed

you haven’t had much sleep
So many thoughts inside your brassy heads
thoughts worth sinking deep

Shining silver butterflies
are already in their dreams
Flying with black paper flies
beneath the clouds of laser beams

I don’t know if you have heard
about this world of absurd
Creatures of every sort
living in a dream resort

I don’t know why all my dreams
seem to come to life, become real
Stone carved dinosaurs, at last
Can live free from their past

Marmalade bats and chocolate cockroaches
Sky has cracks from where the sun peaks through
Golden bees make expensive honey
And folded trees will never be lonely

We’ll never feel lonely
I’ll never feel lonely again.

Sincerely yours

Come to a journey with me 

let’s see how far this night will go
feel the warmth within the
and see your inside glow

Follow me into this darkness
where you will find the light
a long dark red dress
it’s up to you to take the flight

Come on this short journey
Let’s see how far we can go
let us feast on our yearning
falling to a pulsating flow

Red, black, dark, fulfilled
I am but an imagination
the reality is what I killed
sincerely yours

Temptation

Gone

She thinks of silence 

she thinks of rain
she thinks how everything
will never remain

She thinks of the snow
she once built on
her castles of now
today they’re all gone

Gone are the footsteps on golden sand       
gone are his lips, kisses and soft hands
gone are the cold nights where it always rained
and your wet hair and lips made him insain

She feel somehow empty
it was just like yesterday
she feels tempted
to just go and run away

She feels it’s all her fault
he was too good to be wrong
it feels like a cold summer
where no path leads you home

Gone are the mornings in bed
gone is the life you shared
gone are his stupid mistakes
gone, gone, gone,  gone away

Gone are the footsteps on the sand
gone are the walks hand in hand
and as the memory slowly fades
all that you haveall that you have… decades

She dreams of the future
she seems to be fine
but there is no nurtureto a heart broken inside

She dreams of future
she seems to be fine
it seems to somehow comfort
her broken mind

Old door

Behind this old door

there’s no way I could ever
go back anymore

Behind this old door
all that seemed forever

is there no more

You created light
inside my Heart

like no-one before
in the house where time 
was standing and waiting for more

I fell in love in the heat
from the flames of your touch

it was my sweet defeat
that your love for me was too much

I can’t go back
this time all has past

I’m alone and I feel
there are wounds that never heal


Learned to live with the pain

enjoying everything, all the same
and just as then I adore
going back behind that door

No reason to stay

I got no reason to stay
I got no reason to stay
these things are a little strange
not too much and not too many
beautiful days

I have a feeling it is true
you really seem to feel it too
warm light dances in the shadows
all across the room, and soon
settles down

It is silence all around
soft hands resting now
hold so close to each other’s heart
no one knows the dreams that they got
and it is enough

I used to

I used to love a little
I used to be smart
I could but I didn’t
and it seemed a lot

I thought it wouldn’t matter
but now I know it did
in the middle of this clutter
I was the only one clean

Rainy days are sometimes for forgetting
washing of the dirt from the past
letting go everything unsetting
accepting that it’s not meant to last

I used to care about people
their hopes and dreams
now I see deeper
frantic stupid fears

Love is but a word
to so many so it seems
how is it so absurd
to die for your dreams

Sunny days are sometimes better sleeping
blinds drawn and no one in sight
These times I build confidence for taking
all my inner beauty to your light

I’ll be a little better
Day by day
everything will mater
just not today

Two souls one sin

Please me please me pleas!
Your hands light me to fire
as you let loose, all these
dark urges of desire

Sweat drops, ice
your breath burns my lips
tongue and too much spice
black and white tulips

Sheets turn to clouds

as dreams they suddenly swallow
 all my deepest doubts
when my urges blow

Take me take me take!

I undress your skin
nothing will be fake
two souls one sin

Landscape of Me

Out of the ruins of memories

I build my house of confidence
slowly learning again to trust
healing my heart from rust

Around me craters of words
you said to hurt me and feel
that if you’d make me smaller somehow
I would stop to dream

Clouds of doubt now not so dark
And a little sun of hope
windows to my soul I think
still need some water and soap

I dare not look back at the
road which took me here
I never stopped to dream
that one day I’d still be free

Out of the ruins of it all
I now again see the light of day
as I fill the trenches of our war
with some flowers and pray

a second more

I feel your little hand

holding mine beneath the stars
reaching for you but I can’t
my nightmares in the dark

I need an angel
I want to keep you safe
I need a miracle
to stand all that I face

I need an angel
I need some inner peace
and even if you cannot stay
stay for a second more pleas

***

Escape I could but never will

I love the creatures on walls
This day I should take the pills
not to fall in the dim lit halls

Not to walk in the holes
and cracks in the uneven pavement
I barely fit into the roles
this society has me to fulfill yet

I still linger near the edges
Look to the ever so deep descend
all is well in my mental stages
I float, smile and pretend

Bad Dreams of end

The lights are all turned off
the streets are silent
The birds all sleeping as
Their dreams turn violent

It creeps from deep inside
hearts little dark spots
there’s still no real cure
to my evil bad thoughts

Dream dreams dreams
You can’t control your feelings
The floors all seem
to vanish in the ceilings

Bad bad bad
I’m glad the night is over
for once a night will come
and forever hide the sun.

Twodimensional

I have just pictures
I walk on different colors
in my two dimensional worlds
I can never fall on floors

Frozen moments of light
A tree, a frog, a butterfly
In them for a moment i might
fall to find I’m still alive

Only two dimensions
love and color of sky
just two I will mention
Others remain mine

Öö raudne lind

Keegi ei tohtinud teada

ei tohtinud näha mind
öö oli rõske ja pime
tõusis lendu raudne lind

Sealt ülevalt tuled on täpid
kahe tähise taeva vahel
lennates märkasin äkki
end seisvat mustal lahel

Kus üheks kaldaks on hing
teiseks teadlik mateeria
elus piiratud on valikutering
ja mis väljaspool on preeria

Keegi teada ei saanud
ma viibisin tühjuse lahes
nüüd on vaid harvad sajud
ja puud on igavesti lehes

Armastusest, abielust ja väikestest imedest.

***

Õhk on kerge ja siiras
kui keegi ons su meeles
Õhk on karge ja puhas
kui keegi on su südames

Taevas on selge ja kirgas
kui südame valland on arm
Taevas on helge ja siiras
kui taband tunne nii harv

Majad on rõõmsamas toones
tänavalaternad puistavad kulda
rõõm ja joovastus igas soones
vaid armastus paneb nõnda tundma

***

Aken on magus igatsus
Voodi on unistus
Õhus on magus selgus
ja südames on armastus

Öösse võime peita me end
Maailm on me väike paradiis
Igas hommikus on ümbersünd
Kus uuesti armume siis 

***

Ma ei hoia sind kinni
Sa ei hoia minust
Meid põlevaid noori hingi
koos hoiab armastus

Meil pole vaja mänge
me ei vaja tõotusi
Vajame vaid seda hetke
milles kaotame ennastki

Pole vaja kinni hoida
aheldada, panna lukku
Iga päev kui õhtu koidab
armastus toob meid kokku

***

Kui kord tühjus võtab kõikjal maad
ja kaob nii ühte pimedus kui valgus
Su maja esises õitsvad toomingateread
siis enam ei märgi paika kus oli algus

Kui pole enam kurja, pole headust
taevas maaga ühtäkki sulab üheks
Lärm ja meelehärm ühes on vaikusmilles aeg seisab igavikuliseks hetkeks

Selles olematus olematuses siis tean
üksindust ei pea me koormaks kandma
sest sina minuga nii halvas kui  ka heas
teine teist me olematuses siis saame kanda

***

Armastus on ime
ta krooniks abielu
Armastus on uskumine
mis õnnistab me elu

Pühitsedes teineteist
on igas päevas sära
Armastus igavest
ma teile soovin täna!

***

Me sel ööl ütlesime teineteisele rohkem
kaheksa vaikitud tundi
iga sekundiga olla oli lähem
ei või taltsutada armastuse sundi

Sel ööl said selgeks armumise noodid
ja selgemaks sai, mis on oluline
ma mõistsin kui väga minust hoolid
sõnulseletamatu teineteisemõistmine

Öö mis näitas mulle mis on armastada
avas uksed teineteise südamesse
sõnu lausumata vaikida
ja koos suikuda õnnistusse

***

Armastus on unustus
sest sa oled kellelgi teisel alati meeles
Armastus on õnnistus
millega õnnistate teineteist
Armastus on uskumine
et igas päevas on kordumatu ilu
Armastus on teadmine
et mittemiski ei võta teda ära
Armastus on päikeseloojang
ja täiskuu säras tähed
Armastus on langeva tähesaba soov
ja augustiöö soojus, mis jahe
Armastus on leidmine
iseend kelleski teises
Armastus on soov
kanda kedagi iseeneses
Armastus on mõõtmatu
seletamatu nähe
Mida tundes mõistad kõik
võib olla unustamatu
Armastus on silmapilk
hetk milles mahub elu
armastus on taevane tilk
ekstaas ja vaikelu
Armastus on hetk iseendale
veedetud armsamaga koos
Armastus on ilusaim seik
me pika eluloos
Armastus on kindlustunne
iga päeva nautimine
armastus on armastus
ja selles elamine
Armastus on isiklik
ent kuulub tegelikult sulle
armastus on sügav kummardus
me imelisele elule
Armastus kuulub just sulle
hoia ja armasta!
Pea elule üks südamlik palve
Armasta! Armasta! Armasta!

-O-

Sinus on kuu
hõbevalguse noodid
Hääl kui jääl
jääb hapralt seisma
mõistus

Vaikus Rabas

Mitte ühtegi heli
Seisatunud ajas maalib vaikus
sõnajalgu, turbalilli
Meelehärm tühjusesse kadus

Tõuseb ühtäkki tuul
Mis on see, mis meid ajab
üha edasi iga päeva hakul?
Mida me hing vajab?

Tuul sasib mõtteid
Allikavesi viib viivuks janu
teada maailma reegleid
elada paljajalu

Õhtu toob oma rahu
ühes pimeduse ja ööga
Ma otsin teed läbi fantaasiavahu
- tassikest teed meega :)

Snowflakes love Water

Snowflakes so sharp
they cut my face
The only light in this worlds
peeks through your window drapes

White snow melts
on the ground to black water
just like my love dissolves
in your breath

Just like snow loves water
but together they will never get
one in the other, one in the other
together they melt

Rain has the funniest feeling today
feels like the feelings
it once washed away

Raindrops are painful,
sharp wind is so cold
this rainy day makes
my memories unfold

Gray days, gray days
I sit on the windowpane
I try to grip, but they slip
your wet fingertips

Freezing my hands off
in the land of cold lips
feels so soft, feels so soft
as our hearts eclipse

Dark Love

Dark illusions
I have no delusions
world belongs to love

Either dark or bright
no matter what
finally you find ur straw

Lure n draw me in
I want to be played with
lets feed from the sin
treat me as you see fit

Sparks fly
nothing to hide
nothing we wouldn’t do

Weirdly wild
we fantasize
and make them all come true

Flew away

Whiskey stains
on the curtains I drew
in front of you

Smell of smoke
stayed on grey snow
in front of your home

I would have held you close
but I promised you I won’t
I wanted to make you happy
but you’re not that kind to stay at home

So here I am a man whose heart flew away
Happy I was lucky to love for one day

Something in your eyes
I can’t find
nowhere else

Sometimes the taste of your lips
still makes me trip
essence of summer rain

Wet n warm
silent n storm at the same time
wild n calm
I ask you why, why, why
why did we fall
why did we fall
why did we fall

Buckets full of water
pockets full of hands
rain takes the hunger
for lips I no longer can’t

This is my walk
I lick the rain… kissing
Drops of the dawn
wash it all away

So here I am a man whose heart flew away
Happy I was lucky to love for one day

9 am

9 am
Its getting cold
Too cold in your heart
to remember who I am

You said we move too fast
such flame could never last
and keep us warm through our lives
I still sit back n wonder why

Love meant to fail
takes so much from us away
and seems to never heal
its seems impossible to feel
...again

Took my love and heart
drunk it like a coffee cup
useless without
ruthless

How you doubted my love
with no feelings at all
without having your own
without having your own

9 am
it’s time again
to stop to feel
and start to feel
…something new again

Liiglähedus on sisemus

Sa oled nii lähedal
Sind on liiga palju
Ma peatun iseendal
värvides seljale paju

Okstest saagu mu käed
karmid juured jalad
Sina oled see kevadeaeg
mil kõik õitsevad

Ära mine!
ma ei talu üksindust
valgus toorploomine
vaevu veel mahutav vaikust

Nüüd sa pole lähedal
ma tunnen et oleme üks
süda üha vähemal
jääb sinust puutumatuks

Like a Pillow

I wanted to get some sun
but it rained
I wanted to have some fun
but your mood had changed

I wanted to teach you some tricks
but you were too jaded
It seems you get your kicks
from keeping me waiting

I can help you feel alive if you let me
I can help you pass the time if you don’t hurt me
Right now I could use a little help
come over here and help me melt

Pillow is so soft, so are you
I need just one,
but I’d preferred both you two

I wanted to make something of my life
but it seems life made me
You have to wake your dreams alive
before you are faded