Enesetu olematus

Kui ühel hetkel peaksin kaotama sihi,
laskuma sügavusse, teadmatusse enesest,
kas oled Sina see, keda ootan enda ligi
mind päästma igavesest pimedusest?

Pimedus üha kalgim, pilkases öös liigub vaikus
ja valab minu puust peekrisse rahutust.
Piiritu, otsatu lõputu üksindus
täidab mu tühjade tundide mõtisklust.

Just enesetus ja mingi olematu seis
kus eile, täna ja homme sulavad üheks
Tundub täiesti tühine iga mu reis
ja mu suur vaimuelu muutub pisikeseks

See nädal halli ja sudust veniv-sulavat aega
on möödund nagu magamata ööpäev
üsna hirmutav on kuidas see mind ei sega,
et hindamatu minutite jada minust mööda läeb

Tikk-takk seier on armutult taas tiksund oma tunde
Ta suurt minust ei hooli, aeg ei seisa mitte kellegi jaoks
Ah ses mustas pimeduses oleks vaja paar helvest lund et
saabuks üüratu valge vaikus ja see pimedus, see nukrus, kaoks. 

Snow

I listen to the snow, silently sleep all winter 

before it melts away
Its’ funny cuz I know, how it feels to linger
all night and day

Loosing reality
leaving the ground
all looks strange to me
not a single sound around

I seem to vanish now
inside some clouds of snow
I’m sure I’ll snow down
some beautiful day but not know

Its all too real
the height and the fear
This time I got too high
landing -

solid grounds too far to even try

I open my heavy eyes, as all is white inside
and beneath
I feel the warm cold, as I slowly try to fly
nothing below my feet

Wake up wake up
descend starts too fast
it’s so hard to stop
I want to stay relaxed

So cold so dark
I fall inside my room
snowing in the old park
ice flowers bloom

I’ll never be the same
seen outside life’s frame
waiting to get back
no traces - 

like snow I’ll fly and slowly melt away

Dreams of Glass

Every war I know

every battle lost and won
every scream that somehow
was never heard by some

Everything I ever felt
and lost for god know why
God sometimes does not help
when the prayer is too shy

I cry for this all
the first flower of spring
sometimes even the good angels falls
the time is not right for blooming

Climate is about to change
I get warmer and warmer every midnight
full moon has a plan to rearrange
our orgasmic moon ray swims delight

All our possibilities
we let go along the way
our actions are what defies
our never ending decay

This cliff that grabbed the bird
flew to close to the rocks
its everything real and absurd
two words chanted by monks

Love yourself!

World of absurd

Iron snails it’s time for bed

you haven’t had much sleep
So many thoughts inside your brassy heads
thoughts worth sinking deep

Shining silver butterflies
are already in their dreams
Flying with black paper flies
beneath the clouds of laser beams

I don’t know if you have heard
about this world of absurd
Creatures of every sort
living in a dream resort

I don’t know why all my dreams
seem to come to life, become real
Stone carved dinosaurs, at last
Can live free from their past

Marmalade bats and chocolate cockroaches
Sky has cracks from where the sun peaks through
Golden bees make expensive honey
And folded trees will never be lonely

We’ll never feel lonely
I’ll never feel lonely again.

Sincerely yours

Come to a journey with me 

let’s see how far this night will go
feel the warmth within the
and see your inside glow

Follow me into this darkness
where you will find the light
a long dark red dress
it’s up to you to take the flight

Come on this short journey
Let’s see how far we can go
let us feast on our yearning
falling to a pulsating flow

Red, black, dark, fulfilled
I am but an imagination
the reality is what I killed
sincerely yours

Temptation

Gone

She thinks of silence 

she thinks of rain
she thinks how everything
will never remain

She thinks of the snow
she once built on
her castles of now
today they’re all gone

Gone are the footsteps on golden sand       
gone are his lips, kisses and soft hands
gone are the cold nights where it always rained
and your wet hair and lips made him insain

She feel somehow empty
it was just like yesterday
she feels tempted
to just go and run away

She feels it’s all her fault
he was too good to be wrong
it feels like a cold summer
where no path leads you home

Gone are the mornings in bed
gone is the life you shared
gone are his stupid mistakes
gone, gone, gone,  gone away

Gone are the footsteps on the sand
gone are the walks hand in hand
and as the memory slowly fades
all that you haveall that you have… decades

She dreams of the future
she seems to be fine
but there is no nurtureto a heart broken inside

She dreams of future
she seems to be fine
it seems to somehow comfort
her broken mind

Old door

Behind this old door

there’s no way I could ever
go back anymore

Behind this old door
all that seemed forever

is there no more

You created light
inside my Heart

like no-one before
in the house where time 
was standing and waiting for more

I fell in love in the heat
from the flames of your touch

it was my sweet defeat
that your love for me was too much

I can’t go back
this time all has past

I’m alone and I feel
there are wounds that never heal


Learned to live with the pain

enjoying everything, all the same
and just as then I adore
going back behind that door

No reason to stay

I got no reason to stay
I got no reason to stay
these things are a little strange
not too much and not too many
beautiful days

I have a feeling it is true
you really seem to feel it too
warm light dances in the shadows
all across the room, and soon
settles down

It is silence all around
soft hands resting now
hold so close to each other’s heart
no one knows the dreams that they got
and it is enough

I used to

I used to love a little
I used to be smart
I could but I didn’t
and it seemed a lot

I thought it wouldn’t matter
but now I know it did
in the middle of this clutter
I was the only one clean

Rainy days are sometimes for forgetting
washing of the dirt from the past
letting go everything unsetting
accepting that it’s not meant to last

I used to care about people
their hopes and dreams
now I see deeper
frantic stupid fears

Love is but a word
to so many so it seems
how is it so absurd
to die for your dreams

Sunny days are sometimes better sleeping
blinds drawn and no one in sight
These times I build confidence for taking
all my inner beauty to your light

I’ll be a little better
Day by day
everything will mater
just not today

Two souls one sin

Please me please me pleas!
Your hands light me to fire
as you let loose, all these
dark urges of desire

Sweat drops, ice
your breath burns my lips
tongue and too much spice
black and white tulips

Sheets turn to clouds

as dreams they suddenly swallow
 all my deepest doubts
when my urges blow

Take me take me take!

I undress your skin
nothing will be fake
two souls one sin

Landscape of Me

Out of the ruins of memories

I build my house of confidence
slowly learning again to trust
healing my heart from rust

Around me craters of words
you said to hurt me and feel
that if you’d make me smaller somehow
I would stop to dream

Clouds of doubt now not so dark
And a little sun of hope
windows to my soul I think
still need some water and soap

I dare not look back at the
road which took me here
I never stopped to dream
that one day I’d still be free

Out of the ruins of it all
I now again see the light of day
as I fill the trenches of our war
with some flowers and pray

a second more

I feel your little hand

holding mine beneath the stars
reaching for you but I can’t
my nightmares in the dark

I need an angel
I want to keep you safe
I need a miracle
to stand all that I face

I need an angel
I need some inner peace
and even if you cannot stay
stay for a second more pleas

***

Escape I could but never will

I love the creatures on walls
This day I should take the pills
not to fall in the dim lit halls

Not to walk in the holes
and cracks in the uneven pavement
I barely fit into the roles
this society has me to fulfill yet

I still linger near the edges
Look to the ever so deep descend
all is well in my mental stages
I float, smile and pretend

Bad Dreams of end

The lights are all turned off
the streets are silent
The birds all sleeping as
Their dreams turn violent

It creeps from deep inside
hearts little dark spots
there’s still no real cure
to my evil bad thoughts

Dream dreams dreams
You can’t control your feelings
The floors all seem
to vanish in the ceilings

Bad bad bad
I’m glad the night is over
for once a night will come
and forever hide the sun.

Twodimensional

I have just pictures
I walk on different colors
in my two dimensional worlds
I can never fall on floors

Frozen moments of light
A tree, a frog, a butterfly
In them for a moment i might
fall to find I’m still alive

Only two dimensions
love and color of sky
just two I will mention
Others remain mine

Öö raudne lind

Keegi ei tohtinud teada

ei tohtinud näha mind
öö oli rõske ja pime
tõusis lendu raudne lind

Sealt ülevalt tuled on täpid
kahe tähise taeva vahel
lennates märkasin äkki
end seisvat mustal lahel

Kus üheks kaldaks on hing
teiseks teadlik mateeria
elus piiratud on valikutering
ja mis väljaspool on preeria

Keegi teada ei saanud
ma viibisin tühjuse lahes
nüüd on vaid harvad sajud
ja puud on igavesti lehes